Lost Identity from Unemployment

So, I have been unemployed for the last 4 months. Never in my life have I been "purposeless" for this long. I know, what a great sin to say that. Of course I have purpose!

Well, the toughest month for me was between June to July. I had finished all the beautiful parts about graduation --returning from my grad trip and attending convocation. I was no longer able to escape the reality that I had not secured a career for myself.

I was angry at myself for not being like 'everyone' else. Hating that everyone but me seemed to have found their calling. I had friends mentioning that they were making $40-50k while I was eating into my savings. (My God, I had worked every summer and part-time since first year but still didn't have much money left!). I saw Linkedin and Facebook updates about how everyone was enjoying their first real job. Everyone seemed to be doing great but me! To add salt to my wounds, I was also supposed to have started a job that month but the opportunity fell through before I could even see my office cubicle...It was hard to not take it personally.

I don't know about you but I remedy myself by talking to people and/or writing. I talked to everyone that was willing to listen, telling them what jobs I applied to and who I interviewed with blah blah blah. But my boyfriend, he had to listen to me talk about being unemployed, A LOT. I cannot imagine how helpless he must have felt  when I was so beat-up emotionally.


For the last two and a half years my identity had been defined as Shin, the awesome workaholic. I always said something to do, something to look forward to. I was addicted to being busy and accomplishing things. I loved adding great experiences to my resume! Who cares if I was skipping meals to do so, it's just another day in the high achievers life!

But I no longer had that.  In hindsight all that frustration was not about my employment status, I was afraid of losing my identity. I guess the first few months of being unemployed for a workaholic feels like withdrawal. You are more easily agitated and you do ANYTHING to get that feeling back. I knew to some extent what was going on but I just couldn't stop it.

It sucks that I am unemployed, it really does. But I have to own it. Recruiters look away from what I have to say next as I am talking about my mistakes. (Just kidding!)

• I should not have taken for granted that I would get a job just because I felt I had great experiences on my resume
• I should have prioritized extracurriculars, school, and job hunting in equal amounts
• I should have worked harder to secure 'more relevant' internships during my summer in 2nd and 3rd year
• I should have taken the internship option after 3rd year
• I should have built  a time-machine!

After writing down the list above, I notice that I cannot change what has been done. I can only move forward and focus on what I can do for the future. This is one of the toughest life lessons for me, but hopefully I will get through it.

~Shin