Well, the toughest month for me was between June to July. I had finished all the beautiful parts about graduation --returning from my grad trip and attending convocation. I was no longer able to escape the reality that I had not secured a career for myself.
I was angry at myself for not being like 'everyone' else. Hating that everyone but me seemed to have found their calling. I had friends mentioning that they were making $40-50k while I was eating into my savings. (My God, I had worked every summer and part-time since first year but still didn't have much money left!). I saw Linkedin and Facebook updates about how everyone was enjoying their first real job. Everyone seemed to be doing great but me! To add salt to my wounds, I was also supposed to have started a job that month but the opportunity fell through before I could even see my office cubicle...It was hard to not take it personally.
I don't know about you but I remedy myself by talking to people and/or writing. I talked to everyone that was willing to listen, telling them what jobs I applied to and who I interviewed with blah blah blah. But my boyfriend, he had to listen to me talk about being unemployed, A LOT. I cannot imagine how helpless he must have felt when I was so beat-up emotionally.
For the last two and a half years my identity had been defined as Shin, the awesome workaholic. I always said something to do, something to look forward to. I was addicted to being busy and accomplishing things. I loved adding great experiences to my resume! Who cares if I was skipping meals to do so, it's just another day in the high achievers life!
But I no longer had that. In hindsight all that frustration was not about my employment status, I was afraid of losing my identity. I guess the first few months of being unemployed for a workaholic feels like withdrawal. You are more easily agitated and you do ANYTHING to get that feeling back. I knew to some extent what was going on but I just couldn't stop it.
It sucks that I am unemployed, it really does. But I have to own it. Recruiters look away from what I have to say next as I am talking about my mistakes. (Just kidding!)
- I should not have taken for granted that I would get a job just because I felt I had great experiences on my resume
- I should have prioritized extracurriculars, school, and job hunting in equal amounts
- I should have worked harder to secure 'more relevant' internships during my summer in 2nd and 3rd year
- I should have taken the internship option after 3rd year
- I should have built a time-machine!
~Shin
